P1030217In an intellectual, reasoning way – I have come to wish to die.  What would come “after death” ?  I have no idea.  The question might be totally redundant.  After all, if I were to die (and I know I will eventually), wouldn’t there be no “after” for me?  Being dead and all.  This “after” would be experienced by the people alive after my death, after all.

I would like to die surrounded by loved ones, all of us totally cognizant of my death, and accepting and supporting.  Most all of us would like to die surrounded by loved ones…I would like that death to be sometime this year.  Ideally contact those important people, gather them in some special clinic or house, and have them smile at me as I pass into the Undiscovered Country.

The expressions “early death,” or “before one’s time” seem to suggest that somehow our allotted span of life must somehow expand into old age.  But what if I feel that “my time” is nowish?

We will all die eventually.  Is it so abnormal for me to wish it happen this year, when I am thirty-four years old?  There is a common construct – that suicides are called “selfish,” as if the wish to die were somehow a disrespect of those who love us.  Rather, I think those who won’t allow one to die have somehow failed in their empathy for the death-wish.  After all, it is the suicides life who is most affected, rather, ended.



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